Wednesday, 11 March 2009

• The Epitome of Stupidity??

                                              

     Every time i think mankind has finally settled itself happily into the muddy bottom of the Pond of Human Imbicility, some new idiot comes along to prove me wrong. There really are new life forms digging their way up out of the sludge, bent on inventing the New, Improved and Stupider...

     This morning i was watching Kathie Lee and Hoda (don't judge me! I was on the treadmill, needed something to pass the time, and we can only get three channels on the tv in the basement. It's not my fault there's nothing good on in the morning. Buy me some good excercise tapes if you have a problem with what i watch. [Please! I'm serious... i need some good tapes!!] )).

     Anyway, the gals showed a video of a town meeting somewhere in the midwest. Things were moving along well when suddenly, someone ripped off a big one that was clearly audible. At first, there was stunned silence. Then you could hear a few muffled giggles, but that was all. The committee member who was speaking continued with the proposal she was bringing up before the council. All's good until whoops! The horn sounded again, this time a little louder and a little longer. The speaker stopped in mid-sentence as more snickers and titters spread out through the audience, this time even affecting a few council members. It took a minute or two for things to settle down, but the speaker soldiered on. To her credit, the poor thing made a valiant attempt to keep a straight face and commence with her proposal, and she probably would have made it, too... if not for the third toot, this one a juicy, prolonged ppfffffffttttttthhhhhhhh.

     All efforts by both committee and audience to maintain any shred of decorum and gentility were... shall we say... gone with the wind. At this point the entire room collapsed into laughter, snorts, guffaws and howls, some even to the point of tears. Meeting adjourned, i guess.

     Turns out, no one in attendance had had beans and weenies for lunch, with a milkshake chaser. It was later determined that some young, mischevous member of a local Boy Scout group who were there to observe their town fathers in action, projected the flatulent sounds with his IPhone.

     Yes, folks, if you own an IPhone, you can now click on an app called "IFart". Srsly.

     I don't own an IPhone, so i couldn't access this new app, but i can just picture the menu and the sounds you may be able to download. There's probably "The Elevator-Evacuator"; "The Pop-Gun"; "The SSssssnake"; "The A-Bomb"; "The JuicyFruit"; and maybe even "The HineyChuckle".

     And oh, the possibilities!! Besides reducing your city council to helpless, quivering jelly, what better way can you think of to end The Date From Hell, silence the droning professor, or spice up a family gathering of grumpy, stuffy old relatives? How about the joy of nailing your shrew of a mother-in-law just as she sits down on that comfy chair? Need a little more personal space in a crowd? Now there's an app for that!

     Now for the disclaimer: I have always considered the aformentioned bodily function to be rude and crude, and to be avoided under penalty of death when with other human beings. I will not even use the word f**t. I'm with Kathie Lee, who said she always told her kids f**t was the F-word... which worked until they learned the real F-word. I don't use it, i don't like to hear it, and i can't understand the universal, juvenile glee with which comedies and movies employ the ubiquitous "f**t joke". However, i acknowledge that this silliness tickles a lot of people, so i'm asking you what you think:

     The "IFart" app... rude, crude, or hi-lar-ious? Would you use it?

     (Not understanding why i'm even doing this......),

     Grandma Kitty

    

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